Yesterday I was trying on clothes when I noticed, quite powerfully, that I was hanging over my jeans, a la muffin top. Ew. Not comfortable, not attractive.
My mind started racing down that old familiar path called CRAZY. I can cut bread out of my diet, I can up my time at the gym, I can start counting calories, I can do a cleanse etc. etc.
But wait, I hear some wiser part of myself say, haven't you done all that before? Why is this time any different? Won't the same road lead to the same place? What is the solution I ask myself, what do I do now?
Thinking back, since before high school I have always thought I needed to lose weight. I got mono in 11th grade and dropped a lot of weight, I thought I looked amazing (I felt like crap) and I remember going to a party thinking that all the boys would be all over me. Nope, not at all, I was skinny and no one gave a crap. I did however notice that the boys were interested in the girls who were having fun. Duh, theory blown.
Many years later I was going to school in Israel. On a diet of beer, humous and chocolate covered almonds I managed to pack on 30 pounds. I couldn't wear any of my clothes and was relegated to a wardrobe of leggings and big blazers, not a bad look actually. Near the end of that year abroad I started to have an AMAZING time. I was joyful and present, was hanging out with a great guy, and I had never been happier.
So yesterday I'm standing on the corner of 17th street and Park ave and it hit me. It's not about what I weigh or look like, it's how I FEEL and if I am constantly judging myself based on what I have eaten or not eaten, I am imprisoned and not living my greatest life, no matter what. So here is what I have decided. I am going to ask myself some basic questions, am I hungry or am I tired,bored, sad or angry? Am I going to the gym to celebrate and enjoy my body or because I don't feel like I am enough as I am? How can I feel confident and beautiful RIGHT NOW, not in 5 pounds or whatever.
We are gorgeous glorious creatures as we are, each and every one of us no matter what anyone or anything says.
I am going to celebrate THAT.