Do you know those times when something is just off? Yes, you do. I have been feeling that lately. Something is off. There is a strange comfort in that, it’s that I know what is going on. I know I am off, therefore I know when I am on, I know when I am in harmony.

I had a challenging rehearsal today, I was off. I wasn’t in the groove, I was swimming against the tide. I started to panic and feel waves of embarrassment as I struggled to find my way. It’s hard for me to be gentle and make mistakes without going into shame, but I am getting there. I am starting to understand that by asking for help and talking about what is going on I can find my way back home. Knowing that it’s all part of the journey helps me. Discovering that gentleness and humor are what I most need in those moments, will guide me. It's becoming clear to me that I am the life saver I am seeking.

What matters most to you? How much time do you spend doing what you value most? Do you walk your talk?
At the end of the day, what’s it all for? I wonder this sometimes, when I see elderly folk walking down the street bent over their walkers. Where does all this get me?  In my worst case, apocalyptic fantasy, I ask myself, have I appreciated my life? Have I honored what has been give to me? If it were all over tomorrow, what would I have wished I had done differently?
I’m fairly sure, when push comes to shove, that I would wish I had spent more time giving back, that I shared more of myself with the world.
What do you want your legacy to be? Were all going to die, and that shouldn’t be a depressing thought, it’s a certainty, a fact.
Let’s do what we came here to do, whatever that is. Make your mark. Leave things better than how you found them.
My Uncle passed this morning, he was a great man who listened more than he spoke and gave so much more than he took, he made the world a better place in very real ways, and enabled countless others to do the same.  He most definitely walked his talk, in fact, he was usually too busy walking it, to talk about it. May his memory be blessed and his legacy of service and love continue to inspire.
My thoughts are with his wife, who he loved with colorful and passionate abandon and his children who always knew they were at the center of his world. I love you all.

Things are going well with the play. My first time producing and all, I should take some time and be proud of myself.  Speaking of time, I started a daily meditation practice a while ago. It’s like 12 minutes, and it’s helping me to not be so reactive to my thoughts. That’s usually when I feel like a crazy person, when I believe myself. Now, I have moments when I can hear the spinning and just be ‘like ok, that’s happening’ and not get frantic about the list of shoulds that run on a loop. 

I recently took an Alexander technique workshop. The wonderful teachers, Jean Louis Rodrigue and Kristof Konrad have a mantra that they use, “I have time”. Repeat now, and feel your blood pressure lower. There is something so magical about that phrase. “ I have time”, it makes me emotional to think about it, partially because I have been operating for so long under the premise that I DON’T have time.

When my husband wants to tell me a story, my reflex is – I don’t have time. Why? Why don’t I have time? Am I President of the US? Am I a war correspondent out in the field? Am I a figure skater (o.k. that one might not be relevant, but I wanted to throw it in) Anyway, you get the idea, I have time. The things that I push away are really the things that enrich my life the most. I do have time. I have time to read an article in the New Yorker, I have time to call my Mom back, I have time to listen to a song, or hear a joke. I have time to walk slower and listen to the birds, or the traffic, or the conversation that is happening behind me. I have time. I have time.