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JENNIFER SILVERMAN

Ego Erectus

5/26/2012

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It’s been a REAL rollercoaster getting this show ready. A draining, educational, fun, scary, wonderful adventure. Many days of, what was I thinking? Why do I do this? Is it too late to go to dental school or be a psychologist? We move into the theater on Monday, and although we still have almost a week before we open and lots of work to do, I feel like I have crossed a threshold.
I have dug deeper than I thought I knew how, both as an actor and as a producer. Andrew Garfield so beautifully said, “There are no victims in this profession, only volunteers”. What a great reminder when I am feeling sorry for myself, when I have the woe is me, this is so hard, bullshit happening. Yes, it is most definitely hard at times, but in the most luxuriously amazing way. It’s the luxury of creating art, of digging deep into life and coming out with something fresh and bright. Wonderful, just wonderful. How lucky am I that I get to do this? I am blessed beyond belief to have a career that challenges me to be a better person, to find new ways of expression and deeper compassion. Fucking awesome.
Allowing the joy of art and creation to really and truly override the need and want for approval and recognition. My ego protests, yes, I don’t want to give up the desire for recognition, it’s driven me for so long, but something deeper and wiser is speaking through me now, it’s the desire to speak the truth, to be the truth, to let go of the shame of being human and understand that we are all in it together.
My ego has stepped out for the moment and all I want is to tell this story, to truly openly and honestly tell this story.

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