p.s. My Brother is doing amazingly well. YES!
I am in Vancouver, my husband in New York. I am washing my hands constantly and yelling at my Mom and Stepdad to do the same. I am taking my brother to the hospital for his day visits. He had a stem cell transplant on March 5th. Today is March 17th. Under any other circumstances this would be an incredibly stressful time, but these aren't any other circumstances.
Last night I slept, I hadn't the night before. It took me a while to get there, my meditation app, Insight, has some sleep meditations. I listened to a few and finally I was relaxed enough to stop the wheels churning and then sleep. I was deciding what to do about travel. I am scheduled to leave for New York tomorrow. I've already delayed my departure by a week, in order to see my brother get better.
What a difference a week can make.
I've been social distancing as much as I can for almost two weeks. I stopped going to restaurants or seeing friends right before the transplant on March 5th. I'm still going out for groceries, supplies, and to the hospital for Al's treatments. We are alternating. We were going all together, one big boisterous family, but now restrictions are that only one family member can be with him. We are each a lot, so there is no shortage of personality with one of us there. Al's wife is the primary caregiver, but the rest of us also pitch in, so she can have breaks.
I've learned how to take vitals, it makes me a bit nervous, not my wheelhouse, but it helps the nurses and in a way it's kinda fun. Wipe down the machines twice, he puts his arm cuff on and then you press a button. Ok, truthfully, I haven't fully done this on my own yet, I've been with my Mom, but I write down the numbers, which also makes me feel very important.
The last 2 days were a bit scary, his numbers were so low and there was an infection, Judy, the AMAZING nurse, saw it coming and preemptively asked to put him on antibiotics to keep him out of the ER. Today his numbers are coming back up. Phew.
Now, do i go back tomorrow or not? I have searched myself and while I want to be with Max back in New York, huddled up in our apartment, in our bed, watching our shows, I know I am needed here and I'm scared to travel right now. It's not the kind of fear that you talk yourself out of, it's the kind of fear that you listen to, the kind of fear that says, pay attention, this is bigger than you.
So, I will change my flight to next week and hope that there is more clarity by then and that the airlines are flying. I know this is going to take a while and there is a lot we don't know, but we will know more with each passing day.
I trust us. I really do.