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JENNIFER SILVERMAN

dreaming sober

12/16/2019

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I had a dream last week that an old friend of mine came to me, and said, let's be sober this month. I thought, YOU? Yes, you should be sober, but that ain't gonna happen, because my friend has been smoking pot thrice daily for decades... hey, not my business, but why YOU? Why you in my dream delivering this offer? I on the other hand am basically sober already... so me going sober for the month, eh, why bother? 
I used to drink a lot, and over the years I've tapered off. Much of my 20's were a shit show, drug and alcohol wise, a blurr of bad decisions (you know who you are), fueled by overindulgence and the desire for escape. This shifted with time and therapy, but when I moved to New York 15 years ago, I started drinking a fair bit again, I mean, it's part of the culture here and no one drives, so there was really no need to be sober, plus I was dating, which is why alcohol was invented, right?
When I met my now husband, who is a sober person in recovery, I started drinking much less, or stopped drinking more, which somehow has a nicer more honest ring to it. Who wants to be the only asshole drunk on a date? Not me. Both assholes should be drunk or neither of them. So, I got out of the habit of it, except for the occasional occasion. 
However, this JOYOUS (?) time of year is THE time to drink and be merry, which is why the dream registered at all. I dismissed it initially, but today, having been drunk twice in the last week, including last night when I noticed myself slurring, EW, not a good look on a grown woman, I am reevaluating. Today I feel like SHIT, I am blurry and foggy and off. Maybe this is what I felt like for all of my 20's? Probably, would explain a lot. 
So, long story short, I am taking my friend up on his dream offer, and I am going sober for a month, starting now, this holiday season, and I feel a great sense of relief at accepting this invitation. 
Drink up, I judge you not, and in a likelihood you will think I too am tipsy, but that's just me, having a good time. 

** update - today is January 15th and it'll be a month tomorrow, since I wrote this. How did it go? Pretty well! I did have a drink on NYE, well, to be real it was more like 1.5 drinks and I felt weird about it, because i'd made a deal with myself and I didn't feel secure enough to stick with it. NBD, really, because I quickly realized that I wasn't enjoying the booze all that much and I had a great night with amazing friends, without falling off my chair or a hangover the next day. I've also really started to limit my sugar intake after reading a NYT article that says sugar ages you, vanity, in this case a blessing. The booze has often been a sugar craving for me, so it's all interrelated.
Onward... lots of joy, kindness and self love in 2020. 
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